How the hell do I date in my thirties?

Dear Sandy Beaches,

I hate online dating. I’m a thirty-something woman and I work from home. This is not the best situation for not dating online. I tried the Meetup scene and it’s not really my thing. Where are all the single thirty-somethings?

Not Carrie Bradshaw

Dear Not Carrie Bradshaw,

I appreciate your name. For those who don’t know, Carrie Bradshaw was a character in the series Sex and the City. She was fabulous...in the ‘90s. Back when there were actually shows about attractive single women in their thirties who didn’t have children. While Bradshaw may be out of date (or was never based on any real woman), dating in your thirties is not impossible.

If you’re completely opposed to online dating, one of the most effective ways to meet someone is through repetition. This means taking a class or attending a weekly event. However, I get that roleplaying and horseback riding aren’t everyone’s thing. Fortunately, there are other options.

But before we begin, there are a few mental hurdles that are worth getting over before tackling Charlottesville’s dating scene.

1. Making the first move. Regardless if you’re a man or woman, dates usually don’t organically happen.

2. Realizing that you need to play the numbers game. If you’re not online dating, you will probably need to ask a lot of people out. Rejection in this area can seem harsher since so many people are used to swiping from a distance, but if you can handle rejection you ultimately become more confident.

3. Understanding that you’re probably not going to strike up a conversation the first four or five times you go out unless you feel comfortable talking to people out of the blue.

Once you have all that figured out, we can get down to the nitty gritty. And And dating in your thirties more or less boils down to one question: Where do you go where conversation is formulated between people who don’t know each other?

Venues that offer structured socialization can help. The Center has an LGBQT game night every third Wednesday of the month. Trivia is a more laid-back way to socialize with structure. Live Arts has a robust volunteer organization and depending on the time of year, The Bridge holds classes for all types of creatives.

Since you need to play the numbers game, asking people out can be difficult when you’re in the same class/group/game together. This is one reason why bars are so popular. Bars where it’s easier to start a conversation include places like Jack Browns, Rapture, and Zo Ca Lo.

If you have the money, Common House is another option. This is ideal if you’re working remotely, but tired of always staying home. There are spaces available that are quiet, but still in a group setting. They also provide regular member events.

It can take a while to meet someone in Charlottesville. If you don’t want to jump through all the hoops, I recommend using one app while still going out. That way you get the worst of both worlds.

Sandy Beaches